Just a warning.. I am about to rant.
I finally decide to go back to therapy. Today on session #3… I am literally walking and the secretary pulls me aside and informs me that my insurance hasn’t covered any of it. WHAT IN THE %&$@?!?!?!?!
Excuse me…. 3 sessions later at full price they are expecting me to pay out of pocket… She claims she “just found out.” Really? I mean really?!? I even came in early and she shushed me when I told her what I was there for because she was on the phone. Billing should have been figured out prior to my first session!!!
Awkward moment… my therapist is staring me down as I am getting this news. He did ask what I was so frazzled about. Apparently he is hands off in the whole billing dept. Today’s session wasn’t great either. He’s really not a good fit for me, so no love lost there, however more about that later.
I did call my insurance company because I found my current therapist on my “list of providers” from my work and insurance company. They confirmed he wasn’t covered… so again $#%&!!!! Then they told me that the therapist’s office has known since last week things weren’t covered. So did they bother to tell me this last week when I was there or anytime this week? Of course not… seriously… pick up the phone and communicate! They could have given me a call instead of telling me at the most exacgt inopportune moment to where I was stuck in a stupidly uncomfortable situation!
This isn’t my first billing fiasco, it’s actually the main reason I had to stop seeing my old therapist that I actually really liked. After some questionable billing errors, it was discovered that she went out of network. So one day I had a great therapist in network and then the next… if I wanted to see her, it was going to be paying full uninsured price of the visit. I loved her but I didn’t have that kind of money. I stopped going to therapy for awhile as result.
Back to my rant, I am bipolar, and I struggle with anger issues. I go to therapy to help stay sane and stable. Insurance and bad business practices make it IMPOSSIBLE to better myself. Here I am trying to get help to better myself and my life quality and bam! Like that… people mess up, and I lose out on a great therapist or have a debt to pay for talking to someone who is supposed to covered by my insurance and is not. It should not be this difficult to get help for myself. Again.. the universe is like ha ha… you have to stay on the struggle bus… you aren’t getting off that easy. And people wonder why I have anger issues.
Insurance companies are notoriously impossible; that is a given. They also dictate what people can and can’t do which is an issue all on its own. Then let’s couple the fact that when I company overlooks something and then you are just plain screwed- you still have to pay for people’s mistakes. Let’s also not forget the fact that most therapists aren’t accepting new patients or don’t have an opening for several months.
How does this actually make me feel? The obvious forefront answer is angry, but its more than that. I feel hopeless and the more I try to get help and the more challenging it becomes, the more I wonder how much is it worth it? Is it my destiny to be this miserable grump for the rest of my existence? It so discouraging that I can’t do what everyone wants me to do… see someone to help better myself. I can’t! I try. I fail. I want a decent therapist. I just want this to be easy and well.. its not! It makes me angry that it is just a grueling process just to even start therapy and then its more a battle with insurance and people not making sure said insurance is going to go through so the above issue won’t occur.
Continuing on with today’s events, I did actually go to therapy since it was weird and awkward, and I didn’t want to be rude. I am sure that decision will cost me quite a bit of money. That was a bad idea. My therapist also showed himself today. I really felt like he thought I was a whiner, and I need to get over myself. Him stifling back yawning was not very helpful either. He does this every session. He did ask at what point what I wanted to accomplish in therapy. My answer coping with social norms vs my personality along with the extremes I feel as a result of being bipolar. I am thinking bipolar was just not his forte and this whole fiasco with insurance was the universe causing a crash and burn out so that I could find someone more helpful who actually understands the bipolar mindset that won’t cost me a small fortune. Not everyone understands how the bipolar mind works; it very different from the “normal” mind.
As I am writing this, I do realize I never did connect with this therapist which is okay. Connection with a therapist is the key to having successful sessions. I needed to find a new one anyways, however, it would have great not to have to deal with stupid insurance crap or the inept secretary with exceptional bad timing.
Back to the drawing board on finding a decent therapist who understands bipolar and can help me actually cope and fit in with life a little better…
Nikki
Damsel vs Bipolar 