I’ve always hated Barry’s life rules. I find them stupid. I never really understood them. He has this life rule book he lives by. Rules he will not break. Rules that hold him back. So many damn rules!
So I should probably explain who Barry is. We met when I was in Jr high. He was the older brother to my best friend’s “boyfriend” who was around all the time. So when it was time for him to come home, Barry was sent out to fetch him. We grew up, and I never saw Barry again… until he quite literally showed up at my door step 500 miles away from home.
Say what?!? One of my friends decided to go on a random road trip and come visit. She calls me half way on her adventure to inform me she wasn’t coming solo and had her friend Barry with her. Okay. Great. Not like I can say no at this point. So they show up at my door, and I took one look at him and said “I know you!” And his response was “I know you too!” And her response “How in the hell do you two know each other?!?”
That was the start of our adult friendship. He still lives in our hometown. I found solace in him when I was doing a lot of back and forth between where I am now and home dealing with family stuff. We grew closer and attempted to date at one point.
Attempted being the key word. His stupid life book rules got in the way. Oh how much I hated those damn rules. He couldn’t commit to this because of that. He wouldn’t have sex with me because of his stupid life rules. He was on some grand life mission. He was following a path set forth by him by the higher powers. Whatever. I was convinced he had joined a cult that sucked all the life happiness and joy from others. I also felt like I wasn’t good enough. Alas, we broke up after maybe a month.
Mind you in my feeble attempt to make him hurt like I was, I did throw in his face that the universe did drop him at my doorstep for a reason. At the time, I was convinced it was supposed to be some great love story. His rule book said otherwise. The timing was wrong; he had missions to fulfill and I refused to put my life on hold indefinitely for him. Plus we lived across the country from one another. He did fess up to loving me at one point which I do believe. But as I have always said… love in itself only gets you so far. There is always more that must go with it. My unwillingness to even consider waiting also showed that the kind of love I needed to have for him didn’t exist within me.
I did end up forgiving him a few months later for losing the most awesome girl ever and upsetting me. I missed the friendship, however, the romantic ship has sailed. I do love him, as a friend and nothing more. So friends we are and his stupid rules continue to dictate his life.
Now that I am not in my very typical post break up whiney, I am not good enough, woe is me, I am so butt hurt, why does the universe hate me so much mode, I can appreciate him more. I also can appreciate his life rule book more. Let’s be clear though, I still think they are stupid.
Here comes the life lessons of what that his stupid rule book has taught me.
1. We all have a purpose. Once we know that purpose, it’s our duty to fulfill the life purpose. I am all too well aware of mine. I know I am a catalyst for change. I am also a catalyst for unveiling life’s truths. I am aware I am one of those people that once I enter your life, I leave a mark. I am an unforgettable person. I also know that when I am not being true to me and all that comes with it, my life purpose isn’t fulfilled. We all have our parts to play even when it causes conflict. This life purpose is also why headstrong women make it their mission to take me out.
2. So to convey this one, I need to explain a few of my beliefs. I do believe in reincarnation. I also believe we can be given the choice of what we come back as depending on what that life’s particular purpose is. I look at it once we’ve reached “old soul” status, our human forms are a vessels to help with the greater purpose of the universe/ divine. With that said, once we accept whatever mission we are being sent on as a human, there is a recipe that goes with it. We are supposed to follow a certain path that gives the lessons needed to accomplish our purpose because we have extremely limited concrete knowledge from former lives, we are also given certain life circumstances to help build the foundation needed, and we are given certain personality traits that are to be used. Barry apparently needed a hard and fast rule book. I just kind of wing it so my rule book got left behind.
3. Barry was placed on my doorstep not for a romantic partner, but to help guide and direct me since I left my rule book in the other world. In a way, he is kind of a mentor to help tame this wild, stubborn spirit of mine. Someone has to do it, apparently he drew the short straw.
4. Love comes in many different forms. The kind of love needed to sustain the storms that lead to rainbows that occur with relationships is limited, but it’s supposed to be. You can’t have that kind of love with everyone. It’s supposed to be the precious and rare find so that when you find it, you know it’s different. You hold on to it and are willing to weather whatever comes your way. We are taught that a marriage certificate creates that kind of love. This is just not true. Those things are just paper. What I am talking about can’t exist on paper.
5. I was never really angry at Barry for him choosing his stupid rules over me. I was mad at the universe for not giving me what my heart wants. My heart wanted it’s other half. We had a cool story so I let myself get swept up and clouded my rationality. This is also why I forgave him. It just wasn’t meant to be romantically and he’s one of my most cherished friends.
I am sure there are more, but that’s all I got for now. So maybe Barry’s rule book isn’t so stupid at all. But I will never confess that!
Nikki
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