Someone rang the doorbell today. The first thought was please don’t be him. As much progress as I have been making, the idea of having to face him again still makes my heart hurt and my eyes flood with tears. I still miss him. I don’t want to miss him. I don’t long for him anymore, but I do miss him at random times.
I also don’t actually know what I will do if he decides to come back. I don’t know how I will react. I don’t know what I will do. Logically the answer is a very hard no, but my heart isn’t quite so convinced.
My affect has been a lot flatter than normal and I don’t really have a lot of feelings or emotions, but the idea of him brings me to tears and makes me hurt. I still hurt so much. I still feel like I am never going to be able to get over him.
I just wish I could get over him. I wish I could face him and not want to fall apart inside. I wish I could go to sleep and him not appear in my dreams. I wish I wouldn’t get upset when I think of his laugh.
This just still hurts. A lot.
Nikki
Damsel vs Bipolar 