It’s 2023, and bitches… I am back!
Blog land has been graced with my wonderfully neurotic presence yet again. It would seem I only emerge when I am off meds. Yay for us all! Seriously though, here I can just be me and not be deemed as too much or too little of anything. I get to just let it all out in whatever way I want.
So, what’s been happening with this sista in the last 2 years? Well, I was on meds, and now I am off them again. Unfortunately, this time it wasn’t because I was feeling better; it was because I had too many detrimental side effects. So far, I feel like I am coping okay, but the manic energy everyone either loves or is terrified of has reemerged. I really should try throwing energy balls at people and see what happens… just saying.
Anyways, here goes 2021 to now in a nutshell—
Work: I was forced out of my job and got away from the A-type headstrong female dynamic only to enter the land of insecure men. I really just can’t win. I also got promoted in this job from being the outcast to the leader. As anyone can imagine, that was not the easiest transition. I am just thankful I have a supportive boss. The reactions to the transition have been the main source of stress lately. More on that later. So much to rant about.
Life: I changed my name and returned to school to change careers. Grad school is soul-sucking and time-consuming. After him, I decided to pick up the pieces and rebuild myself as I wanted to. Most days, I am winning. Some days…. well… those days suck.
Him: Speaking of him, he appears maybe every 6 months or so to let me know he still exists. The dude has yet to let go. Last time it was a work meeting he managed to get put on the agenda for and was a no-show. The time before that, it was giving me my birthday present 6 months late that he was so happy he found it for me because it was the perfect gift. To his credit, it kind of was. Anyways, in that encounter, he let it slip he still loved me. I was leaving, and his response was, “I love you too,” and mine was, “we aren’t doing this again.” He’s still with his wretched wife, and I still have zero empathy for her. Though he is “working on his marriage and building integrity;” yet, he still wanted me to know he remembered my birthday and put effort into my gift. He also let me know that the kiddo still brings me up on occasion. Little one, I miss you too.
Love life: Men suck. Women are fickle creatures. Men like to sleep with me and bounce. Not good for the ego; just saying. Of the last few guys I dated, one decided to have a tantrum because I wouldn’t have sex with him on his schedule. I also was too defiant about his plan for me. Just another narcissist.
The one before him, I somehow made him realize how he failed his second wife, so he bolted. I am unsure if it was to have a meltdown or make amends with her. Either way, he is gone.
The one before him, we got the vid together, so he pretty much moved in and was supposed to be my bitch boy house boy. He finally lost his shit and decided to hold me hostage and that it was a good idea. Neighbors and cops were useless. No one heard me scream and the cops took almost an hour to show. Though, once he realized I called 911 and let them hear the commotion, he split before he was arrested. He was only heard from again to get his wallet and disappeared after that. There were other guys, but those are the most noteworthy.
So, needless to say, I am still very single. I like someone, but they claim they don’t share the same feelings. So that is pointless.
Death: Finally, the worst of the last 2 years– my soulmate unexpectedly died, and my grandma was finally reunited with her love. More on those two at a later date.
So here we are… I started the New Year hiding and crying because I felt alone… again… I have lots of manic and hypomanic energy…. and people just suck. I should probably finish the homework I have been avoiding that’s due in a few hours…
Cheers!
Nikki
Damsel vs Bipolar 